Fear of Death – Celebrate Life – Love

I attended a Celebration of Life for a friend yesterday. It was lovely. There were photos from her life, and speakers to share stories. It was a chance to visit with the people who loved her, cared about her and miss her. It was happy and it was sad. She was only 54. I’m 59. We share the same birthday. She always commented about that on our birthday. I will miss that.

Of course, this makes me think about dying. It’s scary. I don’t want to die. There I said it. And yet, we are all going to die. There isn’t one single one of us who is not going to die. As I get older, I feel a sort of quickening. Is time actually speeding up? It feels like it. I am feeling an urge to do more, live more, a “hurry up” feeling. When I worry about dying, I immediately tell myself, “I’m not dead yet”. You know…why worry about something I can’t control? What I can impact is my life. I can live it. I hesitate to tell you how much precious time I waste. Watching tv. Playing on my phone. Listening to news (negative!!). Doing nothing. I’m so good at these things. But, if I knew my days were numbered, would I waste one second? I think not.

But, wait. My days ARE numbered. I could die tomorrow. Or next week. Did I live my BEST life THIS week? Or, did I waste some more of my precious time?

And, then there is the whole idea of….what will be left of me when I’m gone? Have I built a legacy with my life? Have I done anything noteworthy? I am a pretty good wife and mother, I’m a hard worker and I’ve had lots of pursuits, both in business and personally. But, have I really done anything worthy of remembering?

I remember a talk I heard a long time ago, and the speaker had us write our obituary. Yep. Our own obituary. But, he wanted us to write it as if it was in five years. So, that gave us five years to accomplish things. I’m going to do that now. Where do I want to be in five years? What do I want to accomplish?

Sometimes I think that my life is just good enough to NOT want anything more. I’m happy. I love my sweet hubby. My kids are pretty darn awesome. I have THE most adorable doggie. I live in a home that I love surrounded by nature. My community is literally the best. We work hard and we have struggles for sure. I mean, life isn’t perfect. But, it is so very good in my view. I wonder if my comfort keeps me from striving for more. I sure hope not.

I had my granddaughter visiting a few weeks ago. I asked her many questions. I want to know about her life. She told me that she was calling this the “Summer of Positivity”. She’s 17 years old. How awesome is that? I told her that I want a Summer of Positivity too!

I’m working on my affirmations, my vision board, and listening to positive and uplifting podcasts. I’m in a mastermind group (for my home based business) that is doing the same, and we are helping each other move forward. I already feel so much better. I can feel a shift. The news doesn’t interest me as much and I don’t want to sit around and do nothing as much. The more I think about the way I want my life to be, the more it shifts in that direction. I say “Bring It”. Because I DO have more life to live. Every second that I get to be here, alive and well, is such a blessing. And, I thank God for it.

All that’s left for me to do is take action and think positive. I believe that each and every time we personally fight negativity in our own brain and heart and choose positivity instead, we shine a light in the world and make it a brighter place.

If this all sounds silly to you, it’s ok. We all need our own tribe. Our own place to belong. I just want mine to be a happy group that wants…more. More happiness. More personal growth. More giving and helping. More love. Yes. Lots more of that please. I heard someone say once…probably in a movie…that all you get to take with you when you die, is love. So, let’s do that. Just love.

Thanks for listening.

1 Comment

  • Reply Steve Saiz July 12, 2018 at 1:56 pm

    Stephanie,
    Very nice comments on your experience with a lost friend. We just had a Celebration of Life for my mom who had passed away in February. The speeches & laughter were very timely, however they do not fill the void of a lost relative or friend. We have moved on with the perspective that , yes we will all die one day, it is how we value each day we are here on earth. I take my pop-up & go camping whenever possible, take road trips with my wife and generally try to take care of myself and my family. Enjoy the rest of the summer.

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